Hard core swing

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Guess the world had stopped and events have been unimaginably scary for some time. The Covid 19 halt had changed lives, rules and presumably – all things. Our experiences through it are different yet we have the same ways to ease in these road blocks. I am pretty lucky to adapt to the changes and still alive and generally okay to this time.

I was moderately cautious with the health protocols. Meaning, I don’t go to the malls or any places that are not very essential. Vitamins, I would normally take them when I remind myself. I take “enough” rest from work, travel to the province to take a little breather (and meet the rest of the family which I can say is travelling in a private car — so not much to worry) and minimal food deliveries. On the side, I am also a student; zoom classes is a new platform. Its pretty wierd but it grew on me hence, was able to get the hang of it. Another healthy distraction I got myself into is the indoor gardening and a little window for painting (but I realised I was terrible with paint brush and paints). Of course, I have tried cooking experimental menus and even tried to prepare “salads” for the family.

Stress that comes with these fiasco is overwhelming and not to mentioned the “work transition” is utterly frustrating and sorry for the lack of word, but it’s senseless. Yes, we joined a new team but we have so much differences that you want to shut them to oblivion. The imbalance or should I say transfer of power, the struggle for dominance, etc does not connect in our multiple meetings. Meetings that take so much time to do your core function but for the new group, meetings are valuable engagements even if you can’t deliver the tasks momentarily.

I have build up so much confidence in myself (I think) that I’m aggressive whenever there is a conversation of whatever topic with this new group. My other peers have if not equally disgust or more to these people. I would describe the transition as pretty rough and so much hand-holding to each and everyone of us.

We don’t win (hahaha) so much but we answer with hard hitting facts – that really hits them hard. So, they will instruct, we challenge the instructions (thats where we strike LOL), it hits them so hard, so bad, and, they win the arguement BUT the under current is electrifying. In a sense, that battle and that win is ours. We almost always claim it that it’s ours.

That’s so funny and a release of stress writing about it. Our ticket that is outnumbered so to speak and not one of us are the yes-man for their whip of changes. I normally hold my silence but as I have aged in the bank and literally aged… I try to answer straight forward to their queries and demands. One time, I had the courage to question their “data analysis.” The new group can totally cover their bases of answer or maybe not. They don’t quite sure how to deal in terms of practical operations but hail, they’re good in meetings, presentations and social engagements.

The narrative is really long especially I am biased at this point. Bleh! 🙂 The turning point is that these people will drive your wits that you will want to quit and save yourself from the long dragging stress. I mean what’s the point of doing your job when they want is to control your mind, decision and your social skills. Imagine, all of us should post a family picture in line with theme of last year’s Christmas or celebrate a useless National Fried Chicken’s Day or turn the camera for grand group’s pictorial.. all for their own egos. What do we get when we do, minuscule of points for the performance appraisal report. So far, no one has drafted resignation letters yet.

But the real score now is that I had the Covid 19 virus. I’m symptoms free and doing better for days/weeks now.

That’s actually the whole point of the blog, but it took a bloody turn in the office blahs that my words dried up to what I want to share in my journey.

For now, hope everyone is okay. Try to eat healthy, be active, balance food diet, maintain low stress, hydrate and keep the mind busy.

I have been 27 days isolated in the home. My supply of words are just enough or more than enough (thank God) that I was able to write about anything. Thank you if you have bare to this sentence.

Writing this July 14

On po-point

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Dreaming is not always when you’re sleeping. I think I dream too many things when my eyes are not shut. I can get caught in one sec or minutes or hours for fancies for tiny houses with disappearing kitchen tables and chairs, murphy beds or maybe a hanging loft, earthen houses or maybe wild vacation houses. Laughs.

I certainly know myself that is why I don’t indulge myself with so many relatable TV series (talking about K dramas) and movies. Scenes and lines will haunt me and will drills into my very subconscious mind. Yes probably I am a drama junkie and I don’t like suck more dramas than the realities I am faced with. Laughs.

Days ago, I found my 6-7 year old FB post where I want a red sedan for myself (something to that effect). Well, I got a red MPV last last year. Heck, it happened! So, if I get Brad Pitt in is Troy costume anytime now.. then dreams to come true. Laughs

Momentarily, “These Dreams” is playing in the background. Laughs

When I dream of taking Masters degree, only to realise that I don’t find any use of it if I will remain the corporate scene. I want to change career or learn many other things. Technically, chase more dreams in the my list.

When I dream of “Pura Vida” which makes sense to me after watching the van life videos, Pedal the World, Expedition Happiness and Down to Earth with Zac Efron (check Netflix). It will be a 360 degrees of just living-the-life vibes so to speak. Does it matter if I give up on corporate prisoner? Yes, at the end of the day, its what you lived for.. slavery and sacrifices.

But will that be enough to let go, how am I suppose to eat or pay the bills. That is a wrecking idea like you’re suspended in mid air. I shall stop before this gets too daunting or negative.. yet again. Laughs.

One day, I don’t want to say I don’t want any of these dreams. In fact, I want to be living in my dream. (Am I thinking of my own dream house when I said that?) Laughs.

Do I made sense of these things?

2021

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Made asshole email replies to workmates earlier. Dont judge. Somehow complaints, terrible hand holding sucked all the patience in my system. On the side, we had to deal to the change in management at the office. They have too much time for workplace mandatory like schemes, too obsessed with process improvement whilst not giving additional manpower compliment and too confident to think they have greatest will and power.

Take a brief moment to run a self-check. Please?!

actually, im juggling to do work, study and enrolled myself to a project management course. Tried a simple and a mini project for Covid workshop but I saw the initiative is underway. So what a waste to continue the project when I had “copied” mini project.

Thats how the whole started and eventually ended. I want to focus tomorrow and go back to school stuff.

Do I need to reveal that the project is not original?

Probably bot

One day at a time

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More plans and priorities are pushed back due to Covid 19 lockdown.  Several weekends come and go, a number of recycled tv shows endured and same lousy comfy clothes worn.  This sure was perfectly predicted to eat our 2020.  But despite the hassle and our meaningless nonsense, we learn so much by the whole experience.

One day (hopefully soon), all these developed vaccines will be successful to human testing and will be widely available to all countries.  By then, we can get back to our lives – closest to normal.  Normal meaning – massages and no heavy traffic please. 🙂

Covid 19 is not a death sentence.  Keep your mind and body healthy and strong.

To the medical frontliners, brave and caring souls, may this pandemic be over so you can take a breather and enjoy life with your families.  I always include you in my prayers as I sleep at night.  You take the risk what others can’t take (I can’t take) and remain strong for others.  You deserve a pay hike, a night of karaoke, unlimited beer, shopping budget, make over and a comfortable hotel room with a breath taking view that is without PPE.

To rest of us, wear mask, maintain social distancing and wash hands.

 

Good night!

Holy Tuesday

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A very different Holy Tuesday (actually a year) it is.  Generally speaking, the world is on lock down due to Covid 19.  This is not a complain email rather a break from all work and my school.  I felt pressure was steps ahead from me; time lags behind.  Four weeks and I just want to reflect and write down the things I have accomplished or maybe many other things that’s up in the air.

  1. Work from home – very manageable work; I can begin and end at the most convenient time.   I might have no output from now to the month end.
  2. Meals made and consumed at home – I volunteer myself to make the any meal that is easy.  We have been eating healthy (more veggies and fruits) lately.
  3. School – as for this writing, I am finished with presentation, paper & you tube video.  Lord give me time and interests to finish a boring book and two readings.  DYAN, that should be today
  4. Exercise – tried to add more steps, youtube stretches for the abdomen and treadmills for the entire lockdown.  I can’t give you exact numbers or averages [I MEANT LOW]
  5. Weight – While I can’t admit to share the efforts to be active, I lost 3-4 kilos.  I noticed in my normal shorts and shirts everyday.  OMG
  6. Sleep – NO discipline to sleeping patterns so when it backfires, I can’t sleep instantly or I wake up in the middle of my sleep.   There was one time, I felt a squeezing feeling in the left part of my chest.  I tried to straightened my back, relaxed and drew deeper breaths… for a moment, it was not helping.  Fuck, I prayed that the pain will stop… it did.  Now, I had to sleep with my back flat on the bed.   I need to go to visit a doctor after the lockdown.
  7. Hydration and vitamins – only when I feel like it
  8. Learn new skill – I did.  Downloaded several video editing app, learned to download a much presentable ppt template, use IMOVIE, insert audio, download youtube video to audio, convert any file format to any file format. hahaha
  9. Pets – The pet house I cleaned once and I bathed my pets when I see them stink (LOL).   Seriously, now that I have time I give them bath often.
  10. Writing –  this is the first time I’m writing.
  11. Car cleaning – during the 1st/2nd week, I managed to clean the car but I imagine it should be every freaking day.  Car is always duty.
  12. Deliveries – this is unavoidable even at the risk of getting the virus and checkpoints.  There were at least 10x we ordered for essential goods and (yes, guilty here) for non essential goods.  I ERASED my Zalora app, this is the end of it
  13. Bookings – We have Dessert Museum booking (refund email done) and airplane ticket for Tacloban in April.  Taking a mental note.
  14. Movie – I watched few movies, series and 1 episode of documentary.  I don’t watch excessively – it makes me procrastinate to do my priorities
  15. Sound – this is very effective to kill unproductive times.  Yes, I have those times I don’t like to do anything.  Insert: Lazy Song by Bruno Mars
  16. Laundry – this never ends.  Washing, drying and folding.
  17. Eating negativities – Why would I get so riled in a lockdown?  When you actually do something for the household and you have a sister who is bossy and lazy.  I realize if I’m stuck with her in a really bad situation, I won’t survive long.  There are also so many cussing in Facebook.  I can only handle max one hour of negativities.
  18. Complains – very minimal.  I cooperated with WHO, the government and with my officemates.
  19. Donation – I wanted to donate money but I can’t deposit money to the bank and do online transfer (no balance left)
  20. Fear and uncertainties – The virus had crippled the world’s businesses affecting all people, races and income groups.  We can never be prepared to yet again pandemic situation but we can learn from this.  It is really very practical to have a sandbag for the rainy days for the middle class.  Low income individuals/families should have understood how to improve their earnings and not entirely depend on dole outs.  People who are rich may continue to help with or without crisis; pro or anti the present government.  All classes should not abuse the resources, power and their weaknesses/strengths to gain better from the situation.
  21. RESPECT – respect for the government officials – their decisions and delays; respect for health workers for their service and medical expertise; respect for janitors, delivery people, vendors, pharmacists, reporters and volunteers for their own heroism.
  22. Family time and me time – I start the mood changes in the house.  I swear I do.  I also keep up with them.  It’s a constant pushing and pulling of emotions until you get steady.   All of us must learn to distance ourselves from others (even family) to avoid arguments and create enough space.  For mature adults, they need it always
  23. Back to basic – Unhurried time for eating, sleeping, watching movie, attending to pets, showering/putting lotion/toner/etc and eating more fruits.   No excessive cravings and stress eating
  24. HEALING – clean air and water.  This lockdown may only be temporary but at least, the Earth has healed on its own.  We owe (if only possible) so much time to heal completely.
  25. VICTIMS – last year around the same time, I had a Tuberculosis.  I made sure I followed the meds that I need to take; I allowed myself to take rest as much as possible; I meditated so that I will not self-pity; I took so many fruits so I can heal fast.  Yes, I made it happen and yes, Covid 19 victims can make it happen as well.  (TB is the no 1 cause of deaths per day worldwide)

Done. 🙂

Facts

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What probably suck during holidays are the stress of cramming, heavy traffic and Christmas parties with singing and dancing.  People are compelled to sit in a table together with the bosses or enemies or plain bitches. You have to buy something sweet to dear friends and even a cute outfit that will look good in the picture.  If you go all the way, you need to fix the hair and put make up.

Every year (for sometime now) we do most errands… grocery, cook, a little program and gift giving.  By the clock hits 12 midnight, we are so overfeed and sleepy.   Just saying, I am not complaining.

Heck!

Still alive and saying…

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Don’t expect my writing style has improved or if I care. LOL.  I never brought fun nor hope nor sentiments.

So what’s new?  Enrolled to Graduate School.  Made new friends and made recent connection to my old friends.  Gained weight.  Tried something in my face to lessen the acne marks.  Been buying local goods; supporting the Filipino industry.  My latest purchases – leather goodies, woven (banig style) wallet and batiks fabrics.  The conversion is in process and I’m actually in a hurry to have the 360 overturn.  The budget’s holding me back.  More laughs

The 2020 will tests my patience.  I must learn not to compute the months, days and hours until my 10th year in my work. Planning to retire early, travel, teach part time, settle down, buy my dream residential farm or resort house and raise kids.  That’s too much.

We want to make our dreams to become reality.  If these does not happen as planned, I will cry.  If I can make them happen, I will be the luckiest and happiest soul alive.  Either way, I can take each blow and go on (but not pushing to infinite limits).

My decision is final.  I will go as far as my dreams will take me. And the goal is to set up a comfortable and simple life in years to come.

At this point, I’ve been stronger for myself and for my family and friends.  It’s clear that tough love is more effective if you want the people around to be more independent and wiser.  That’s how I really feel.

My last random thoughts..  I want to fill the world with more trees and good education.

In a heartbeat

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Go sail somewhere far and long

Act normal

Get busy with life

Chase your dreams

Play silly mind games

Ignore significant dates

Be reckless with others

Lie and never commit

Tease. Tease. Tease.

Why not…

Be mature

Open the hearts

Spell good vibes

Mean words

Take all words back.

Say sorry

And once you get tired, I’ll get back to you in a heartbeat.

Words I don’t subscribe

JanFebMarApr

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Start of year and I planned most of it. Of course, the yearly holiday with the family, holy week for the extended family, diet plans, saving plans…. and more plans.

January

Mostly family gatherings – birthday party, house raids and send off events. I fell in for own trap – we went only for a night swimming. It was freezing cold and we have to walk for 10-15 minutes in wet clothes to get to my cousin’s house.

February

Work load is light. Began seeing friends for movie dates, overnights and lunch so far. Sucked up all the drama hence got lost last 2017. I was dragged to attend this karaoke night with office peers and conference the day after. The annual office rating had blown out of proportion – I met the collosals, the puppets, the underdogs and the neutrals. Cold war at its finest. Who gets the highest appraisal down to the least should be known in a month.

Picked up the idea of intermitent fasting from a friend and decided to try it myself. Horay for the quick results

March

Big time for revelation – graduate school results and appraisal results. And up for a bigger challenge which is the promo time. I swear that I will be very fast efficient; no to unreasonable over times; set engagements all the time. Time for change – exploring other parts of Laguna with the extended family.

Top priority, my birthday. Half hearted to where and how do I intend to celebrate it. I can go big; I earn it.

April

The only trip I have so far is El Nido set after the holyweek. Should be most expensive from the plane tickets, itinerary and accommodation in our history of being budget travellers. Now, who will be the most unbearable family member? How do we handle these. The key to a smooth sailing trip is a positive (yes, that’s it!)

May

I prayed to be enrolled by this time of the year. Insurance due is up. I can dye my hair or cut it short or maybe both.

Done. For now.

Raging shit entry

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Never did I devalue a family man much less a mother. Never use the arguement that parents raising their families are so much more importat than all single people combined. You better keep that to yourself. Single or not, all are equal. Don’t raise yourself too high when in fact, we all fall short certain times. Never blame the single guys the sacrifices you bear because I never blamed anyone for the life I lead (char)

Go on with your life and leave space to us to breathe. Don’t forever remind us what we don’t have or scare us what can happen after after getting kids. Instead be cool about life and what comes out of it. Get away with our own messy lives. Tell a soul that life is beautiful as it is – whether you have lives to nourish or not.

Hear me…

Did I lose a limb? Am I impaired? Have I gone blind? In reference to family, I also have my own family, right? Single guys are not heartless.

Please.