In a heartbeat

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Go sail somewhere far and long

Act normal

Get busy with life

Chase your dreams

Play silly mind games

Ignore significant dates

Be reckless with others

Lie and never commit

Tease. Tease. Tease.

Why not…

Be mature

Open the hearts

Spell good vibes

Mean words

Take all words back.

Say sorry

And once you get tired, I’ll get back to you in a heartbeat.

Words I don’t subscribe

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JanFebMarApr

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Start of year and I planned most of it. Of course, the yearly holiday with the family, holy week for the extended family, diet plans, saving plans…. and more plans.

January

Mostly family gatherings – birthday party, house raids and send off events. I fell in for own trap – we went only for a night swimming. It was freezing cold and we have to walk for 10-15 minutes in wet clothes to get to my cousin’s house.

February

Work load is light. Began seeing friends for movie dates, overnights and lunch so far. Sucked up all the drama hence got lost last 2017. I was dragged to attend this karaoke night with office peers and conference the day after. The annual office rating had blown out of proportion – I met the collosals, the puppets, the underdogs and the neutrals. Cold war at its finest. Who gets the highest appraisal down to the least should be known in a month.

Picked up the idea of intermitent fasting from a friend and decided to try it myself. Horay for the quick results

March

Big time for revelation – graduate school results and appraisal results. And up for a bigger challenge which is the promo time. I swear that I will be very fast efficient; no to unreasonable over times; set engagements all the time. Time for change – exploring other parts of Laguna with the extended family.

Top priority, my birthday. Half hearted to where and how do I intend to celebrate it. I can go big; I earn it.

April

The only trip I have so far is El Nido set after the holyweek. Should be most expensive from the plane tickets, itinerary and accommodation in our history of being budget travellers. Now, who will be the most unbearable family member? How do we handle these. The key to a smooth sailing trip is a positive (yes, that’s it!)

May

I prayed to be enrolled by this time of the year. Insurance due is up. I can dye my hair or cut it short or maybe both.

Done. For now.

Raging shit entry

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Never did I devalue a family man much less a mother. Never use the arguement that parents raising their families are so much more importat than all single people combined. You better keep that to yourself. Single or not, all are equal. Don’t raise yourself too high when in fact, we all fall short certain times. Never blame the single guys the sacrifices you bear because I never blamed anyone for the life I lead (char)

Go on with your life and leave space to us to breathe. Don’t forever remind us what we don’t have or scare us what can happen after after getting kids. Instead be cool about life and what comes out of it. Get away with our own messy lives. Tell a soul that life is beautiful as it is – whether you have lives to nourish or not.

Hear me…

Did I lose a limb? Am I impaired? Have I gone blind? In reference to family, I also have my own family, right? Single guys are not heartless.

Please.

Bolts of thoughts

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Have you felt that your emotions are like quick sand?  You drown in your own misery and thoughts (in the back of your head) it’s pleasureable.  The tugging of guilt, rage, confusion and all the non-sense is so dragging.

Have you felt that you’re trapped in your own face?  I can’t describe how that would look like but I’m sure you know what I’m saying.

Such as these words are funny (hoping you’ll find it witty), I’m jeering at the silliness.  PMS-ing alert.

I don’t know.  It’s well-attended party when I get to say something in my head.  I get to exercise my little priviledge; my little share of fame; my musing and  my fake take to reality… laugh 1 million times here.

If I am a scriptwriter, will be get there?

Yardstick

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Yes I’m my mid-30s, people around me have never heard of suitor or significant other and if you ask me to define life, I’d say… Life is my career, my pets, my travels and my instant self rewarding.  Sucks to know!

Yesterday had lunch with my office colleagues, the boss wished I’d get a boyfriend.  That was after she get too sensitive over silly skillet of cheese 😝.  I could have thrown major sarcasm at the table but I dared not.

But what if I’d be blatantly honest about it and how “ugly” it feels…. do them the favor… so they can feel good about themselves.  That’d easy but I can’t give them the satisfaction to know they had been lucky in life.  Whew grabe ako dun ha. 🙄

That’s not how it works.  Maybe we can all shut up because we never share our personal lives anyway.  Do you even know my favorite color?  How seldom do I get headaches?  Do I get bothered by your jealousies with each other (other colleagues)? How do I manage my stress?

Hear me out, the lives they have led if it’s too different from mine is NOT A YARDSTICK of success and real happiness.  Who can tell diba?

Did I mention I enjoyed the food yesterday?  Guess that was the best deal I got from it.

K.  Thanks. Bye! 😜

The 33rd myriad of thoughts. Sorry in advance!

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Overture:  Nothing’s new about this.  I shut my birthday wishers – family and friends.

Turning a year older and I was so engrossed with bad thoughts.  Yesterday is that day of overthinking and overreacting – blame the hormones.  Honestly, I was wanting to receive gifts and to read touching messages (laughing hard).  Normally, I would treat my family, officemates and few close friends – from small office snacks, to (buffet) lunch or dinner or overnight accommodation or free flight/s.  This gesture had become incessant that I just have to cut the “fun” and put my brand of drama. 

So here, the world is really unfair.  Undeniably unfair!  I wanted to speak my mind but I guess I will just put more actions than mere words.  From now on, expect least from me.  If it’s not my birthday, I should not spend so much money.  If they forget about the occasion and delay the obligatory gift (insert office guys here), then no free snack.  If I suggested what I want to get (and you actually did the same), will that costs you too much trouble giving it?

Yes, it’s better to give that to receive.  Personally, I feel more blessed if I share what I have.  Yada yada yada. 

 Prologue: Maybe I was teaching people around me lessons on how to treat me right or did I just never demanded a little? Or I just turned materialistic?  

Effin.. aging.. 

Wicked

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My social skills were put to test thru the wunder app.  I would have not known the app if not for my techy cousin.  I taught I would give it a try and now that I did, I almost died in an instant. 

I almost fainted listening how conversations starts and ends.  And I hated myself for being ‘unsociable’ a lot of times –maybe all the time.  At first, I am pretending, uncomfortable and detached and little by little, I would try to speak up.  Labored short answers here and there while we went to short cut roads.  

As there would be no escaping, I made friendly conversation (to make new friends somehow).  Surprisingly, they were new aquaintances as well.  We were listening to each one and agreeing most of the time… no topic on religion and politics yet.
Im sleepy.. I’ll share the rest next time